12/14/12

Nothing really matters today.  I can't focus on anything for very long.  My heart and my head keep going back to these children in Connecticut.  For the last hour and a half, all I could do was cry.  I choked out how awful the shooter was and how sad it all is a few times.  But mostly, just cried and cried.  It's all so hard to imagine, but so easy to feel.

These kids went to school this morning thinking it was a normal day.  I can just envision their faces as their teachers told them they were under lockdown, as the fear and tears set in.  I can imagine the feeling of responsibility and terror that the teachers were faced with as they fearlessly led students through the school and to safety.  And I can painfully imagine the grief that everyone is flooded with, whether student, teacher, parent, brother, sister, or friend.

I know why bad things happen to good people.  That is never a question that I have been faced with.  I have been taught that God has a plan.  Sometimes bad things happen to good people so that they can move on to what he has planned for them.  However, I have never understood is why bad things happen to children. I know that he has a plan, but it just seems wrong.  These kids did nothing to deserve to suffer.  They were innocent and pure.  Then someone came and decided everything for them.  He decided that they wouldn't have anymore play dates or any new friendships.  He decided that they wouldn't go to high school and they wouldn't get a diploma.  They wouldn't go to college, or get married, or have kids.  And he had no right to make any of those decisions.

Then I think of the parents.  You don't have to be a parent to know that their pain and suffering is immense. Their grief will last far too long and never fully subside.  Their families are now incomplete.  They will always have a void in their lives and a hole in their hearts.  Christmas is now the hardest time of the year for them. They have presents for these children that will never be opened.  They will ask themselves time and time again why they dropped their child off at school today.  And it will take them years to realize that this was out of their control.

And of course, as a future educator, I think of the teachers. Their love for those kids gave them the adrenaline rush and courage that they needed to save lives.  They are true heroes.  I fear that the aftermath of this shooting will change teachers and frighten them.  I hope that they can remember why they do what they do.  It is all about the children.  My heart aches for teachers that will have students missing from their classrooms, or students that no longer have a teacher.  I have always wanted to be a teacher, but now it is my greatest desire.  I know, without a doubt, that I would do anything for my students.

This is a tragedy. This man has ruined so many lives, and it seems impossible to see anything other than evil. But when you look a little deeper, there is a silver lining: these children are with their Heavenly Father.  He has welcomed each of them with open arms.  They are free from pain and suffering and they know that they can be reunited with their families someday.  We have been blessed with this knowledge of the plan of salvation, and I hope these families can someday attain this knowledge as well.

In the midst of tragedy, we cannot fear.  We must remember that despite the evil in the world, there is opposition in all things.  There are good people.  There are helping hands.  There are neighbors and communities banding together to support one another.  We are blessed.  I am blessed.  I have my faith, my friends, and most importantly my family, and I am so grateful.